My eat pray love month at mexico…
I took January as a grief month. I released the life I had envisioned with him. I started focusing on what my life could look like now. I journaled my way out of the break up. I lifted myself up and found a new appreciation to my singleness era. (There’s one episode in the podcast fully dedicated to what I did in order to thrive after the break up)
Then in february I packed my bags and headed to Mexico solo. Not knowing who I was going to meet and what experiences would come. Little did I know it was about to become my EAT-PRAY-LOVE trip.
The first week I indulged in such amazing tastes in CDMX. I went on so many solo dates. Released a restrictive diet I had been on and just devoured all the flavors with such pleasure. Food was just out of this world there. For many years I have struggled with my relationship to food. This was the first month of my life where I felt good in my body while also enjoying delicious meals without any guilt.
Second week I headed to the town of Mazunte where I attended a Tantra Massage Retreat... Here is where the shift started happening. I received & performed full body tantra massages (yes, including yoni) that opened my body to so many emotions. I released & released soooo much! I cried, I screamed, I coughed, and the list goes on. No, I didn't receive much pleasure. There was just so much numbness and pain at first. The blockage felt so real. The disconnection between my sex and the rest of my body; the dissociation. As the days passed and more massages came I started noticing more openness. The last massage was the first one that I genuinely felt hints of pleasure and bliss. Like something had cracked opened and I now had a new world to explore.
The retreat ended and I flew to Oaxaca City where the love journey started. I experienced for the first time in my life a magnetic energy. I felt like all the men I felt attraction for they also felt towards me. I started going out to salsa & reguetton clubs and I just felt like my body could move in ways it couldn't before. So alive. I didn't give a shit what others would think. I moved and sweated out like never before. I met amazing people, created life long friendships but most of all I met an incredible Irish man that became my lover for a couple of days. It was with him that I experienced for the first time a man fully honoring my body. A man who was devoted to my pleasure. A man that listened. A man that knew exactly how to read my body. It was deep and so healing to experience this sacred sex with him. I still get flashbacks of these moments here & there...
Thats all I needed. One men to break the belief that ALL men are bad. That all men will treat you badly during sex. That all the good ones are taken & the list goes on.
Even in the tantra retreat, just sharing conversations with other male participants I started releasing that belief that I didnt even knew I had.
How could I expect men to worship me? When I was bashing them? How could I expect men to come into my life honoring me when my root belief was that I was superior: more spiritual, smarter, a better communicator, more in tune with my emotions, etc. IT WAS ALL A LIE. A belief I had to let go in order to fully move towards admiring other men. Towards honoring & worshipping the other sex. Ive always had beautiful relationships with the feminine because Ive always praised the feminine. So Im walking out of that toxic feminism era where I deeply believed I was superior and all men where fucked up.
Im entering into a space of so much appreciation to all beings, IN EQUAL.
I know Im magnetic when I’m loving myself. Ive experienced it now. I know its real. After this lovely man.. so many more have crossed my path. All with deep lessons and I just have so much appreciation and devotion to this singleness era.
More to come…
